-Because I am lovely and smart and graceful? no...
-Because I felt I needed a bigger challenge? no...
-Because I wanted to feel pain evenly throughout my entire body, and not just in my abdomen? no...
-Because I was trying to be smart and keep my flats out of the rain puddles by wearing really old crocs?
-Because I am stupid stupid stupid for wearing slick crocs in the rain?
-Because I was running around in the rain in a hurry?
...Yes! Yes! YES!
So this morning, Riley's teacher texted me. He cried each time he coughed. Said his ear hurt. Didn't say this at home less than an hour before. No fever. I decided to bring him some tylenol and some nasal spray. It was pouring down rain. I had worn my crocs and carried my flats with me so I wouldn't have to spend the day with wet feet. I re-abandoned my flats, donned my crocs and took off the short mile drive from the office back home. I carefully treaded up the steps and into the house, gathered the items I came to retrieve, and let the dogs out. They came back in, and I departed.
I thought to myself: 'Okay, shoes are slick. Be careful going down the...' and I stepped.
Apparently I was not careful enough. Left foot first. I'm not sure what happened to the rest of my appendages after that. I yelled 'Noooooooo! in slow motion, knowing all the while (.08 or so seconds) that I was in big trouble on impact. I had no idea so many thoughts could race through your head in that short amount of time. Are my surgical wounds healed enough to endure this? This is going to hurt so bad. I bet this is going to leave a nasty bruise. I'm going to need some ice. I bet this hurts way worse in the morning.
IMPACT.
More thoughts. It's raining. Doggone it! I can't even lay here and suffer and stay dry. I am going to have to change my clothes. Oh Lord. I have to go back to work. I'm going to have to sit on this busted arse all day. Geez I still have to go to the school!
So I scramble back up the wet, muddy stairs and into the house. I throw myself face first onto the couch, panting and groaning. My husband runs in from the next room to find me lying there with my fanny exposed. He says 'oooh. that's going to make a nasty bruise.'
I change my clothes, put on tennis shoes, and head back out into the muck and the rain. I take care of Riley, and finish my work day without further incident.
I came home from work, threw myself, again, face first into bed and slept two solid hours. Then supper. Then a hot bath.
Then my friend called me. I was finishing up this blog entry, and posted it. We had just started talking about my offended fanny, when I heard a loud explosion outside. I shot from my rocker and rushed to the door. I hung up on my friend and called 911. They already knew and had trucks en route. The house, across from the house across from me was completely engulfed in flames. I quickly called my husband's phone, which rang behind me on his desk. Drat. He went to the store without it. After walking all over the neighborhood, and hanging up on my friend two or three more times, I finally settled down. The house was lost, and I don't think anyone was home.
I discovered two things tonight. I can run now if I need to, and running makes me tired!
A few tips: Strive to be lovely and smart and graceful whether you are or not. Take new challenges head on, but be careful! Run once in a while! Never assume someone else called 911. Just call. Your quick action could make all the difference. And above all remember: Even the best laid plans can be a real pain in the butt. Take it from an expert.
Until next time, God Bless!
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