Consider it Joy

Well, today is a good day, no matter what bad things happen.  My poor husband woke up late, tripped in the hallway and hit so hard when he fell that put a hole in the wall, and stubbed his toe so badly that he thinks it is broken.  That is most certainly not a good way to start the day.  But, I hope I can convince him to consider it joy. (James 1:2)  Speaking of Considering Joy when facing trials:  My CD is done!  It is not perfect.  It is a homegrown work.  But, it is me.  And it is what I love.  And I want to share it with all of you.  I have 16 recordings.  Three of them I wrote myself.  Almost all of them are me on instrumentals.  There are a few that aren't.  Here is the list:

~CONSIDER IT JOY~ an Album by Kimberly Williamson

Track 1:  Halleluia - Vocals: Kimberly Williamson and Lindsay Gayler; Guitar: Kimberly Williamson

Track 2:  Amazing Grace, Instrumental - Piano by Kimberly Williamson

Track 3:  Imagine, in the style of Eva Cassidy - Vocals: Kimberly Williamson; Accompaniment background track from the web.

Track 4:  Celtic Harp Melody - Celtic Harp played by Kimberly Williamson

Track 5:  Songbird, in the style of Eva Cassidy - Vocals:  Kimberly Williamson; Accompaniment background track from the web.

Track 6:  The Old Rugged Cross, Instrumental -Me on Piano

Track 7:  Where the Roses Never Fade, Acapella - Three part harmony by Kimberly

Track 8:  Wings as Eagles - Written and performed by Kimberly

Track 9:  Consider it Joy - Written and performed by Kimberly

Track 10:  Call on Me, Instrumental - Written and performed by Kimberly

Track 11:  As Long - Written and performed by Kimberly

Track 12:  Halleluia, Acapella - Three part Harmony by Kimberly

Track 13:  Beulah Land, Acapella - Three part harmony by Kimberly

Track 14:  Amazing Grace, Acapella - Three part harmony by Kimberly

Track 15:  Danny Boy in the style of Eva Cassidy - Vocals:  Kimberly; Accompaniment background track from the web

Track 16:  When I Survey the Wondrous Cross - Three part harmony by Kimberly Williamson

If you would like a CD (all proceeds will go toward paying off surgery costs)  I have them for sale for a donation of at least $10.00.  There will be a place on the page where you can place an order.  Thanks everyone for your support, prayers and encouragement, as always.  I have come far this summer toward my goal.  Now I just have to wait for surgery day, and get about the business of healing.

God Bless you All!

Wait on the Lord.

Yesterday afternoon, my friend reminded me to wait on the Lord and Consider it Joy to face your trials, because it means there is ample opportunity to see God work.  Thirty minutes later, I got a phone call.

My goodness, how fast things can turn around!  I have been given the gift of a loan from some very close family.  The immediate need to raise $2400.00 has been met!  My up-front payment to the plastic surgeon will be covered in plenty of time for surgery, so I will be able to have far more successful a time healing from the two operations simultaneously.  I still have to raise and save as much as I can to pay off these two loans, but now that the time constraint is lifted, I can focus on my health and family until surgery on August 26th. 

I can also focus on making my CD the best that it can be.  I have several songs already recorded, but plan to record a few more, including three or so that I have written myself.  My hope is that my music will suffice as a deep thank-you to those of you who have contributed, or who plan to do so.  I will probably ask for a donation of $10 for each CD, but everyone who sends or plans to send any amount will get a CD.  I wish there was more I could give.  I don't know how I can ever thank all the people that are praying for me, supporting my efforts, and encouraging me through this very scary time. 

On health: Everything is pretty okay at the moment.  I do have constant low back pain and a lot of abdominal pain.  I assume it is from the tumor taking up so much room in there.  Thankfully, though, I can play through it so far.  My main goals from now up until surgery are to:

~Enjoy Riley's Birthday Festivities
~Get prepared for time off at work
~Get prepared physically and mentally for surgery
~Get Riley back into school
~Enjoy the rest of my summer!

On Music:  If you want to see examples of my music, you can visit my facebook musician's page at http://facebook.com/KimberlinaBrook, or my youtube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/mkrwilliamson/videos.  I hope to have the CD ready soon.  It won't be a high-quality studio mix, but it will be all original, all me, and all from the bottom of my heart.

God Bless You All!

It's the weekend again...

It has been a weekend of waiting.  I guess maybe I worry too much.  I just keep thinking of how hard it is going to be to get all this money together.  My official deadline to have the procedure paid in full is no later than August 12th.  That means I have about $2545 dollars to go.  I have received generous donations in the amount of $150 dollars so far. I am so grateful.  But I'm also a little afraid that I'm not going to make my deadline. 

Time sneaks past so fast when you are preoccupied with the business of continuing to live a life in the mean-while.  Example?  My son's birthday is next Tuesday, the 31st.  If I was going to have a party for him, it would have to be THIS Saturday.  This Saturday!?  How the heck did it get here so fast!? That isn't going to happen.  It just got here way too fast.  The poor kid will have to have multiple small birthday celebrations with different parts of the family on different days. I bet he'll cope with that fine :)

Someone said something to me today that I HAVE to remember:  Don't ask God for the money that you need.  Ask God to Fund your need.  He may have some other method in mind to get you to your goal.  I am holding on to that.  My Father-in-Law preached about HOPE Sunday.  I would say that his message was timely, wouldn't you?  All I can hold on to is hope.  I have worked hard to get as far as I have gotten with this endeavor so far.  I just have to hold out hope and have faith that God will carry me the rest of the way.

My low back is pretty sore with this weekend of rain storms, and I woke up this morning with a bum knee.  I was pecking away at my hedges, trying to get them in shape before I have surgery, and apparently when I tripped over a limb it twisted, but my brain didn't get the memo until 4 o'clock this morning.  Thank God for the rain!  I don't care that I'm a human barometer, as long as my rose bushes get a long awaited drink!

Have a blessed day! 

Just keep on...

...keepin' on.

The surgeon's office called me this morning with the official date for my surgery.  I go in for pre-surgery testing on the 19th of August.  Surgery is now scheduled for the 26th of August, 11:00 a.m.

~The cost of the Non-Covered part of my surgery~

Bright side?  Riley will be back in school by then.  The 19th is actually the first day of school.

Second Grade.  It doesn't seem possible that my son will be 8 years old at the end of this month.  Other good things?  I have over a month to try to raise the $2400 more dollars I have to have up front.  I can continue to raise money after the surgery to pay off my loan, but there won't be any surgery if I don't pay in full for that portion of the surgery first. I am hoping to try and have a yard sale, and  bring in a little money that way. I am also hoping to  get my CD finished up so that I can get it on here for sale.  I expect I will price it at $10 dollars.  I will update the blog on progress with that project.  If you or anyone you know is interested in buying a CD, please let me know.

Raising money is important, but please know that the things I need first and foremost are your prayers.  God will make a way for me.  I have yet to weather any storm that He didn't still somewhere along the way.  I have to learn to let go of whatever control I think I have, because Satan can turn my control into his in the blink of an eye.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I thought about giving up.  Someone close to me said they wondered if this was God's way of telling me that I shouldn't have the surgery.  A good friend pointed out something that I had forgotten:  God blesses you if you put your trust in Him, while Satan strives to make you think that there's no hope.  Satan hates hope.  He wants to kill your hope so that you stop trusting God.  If you don't stop trusting, Satan loses, and God works.  I am holding on to that.

God bless you all!

~Kimberly~

And the Hits Just....

....keep on coming.

Today's mail brought the second and final denial of my appeal to the insurance company to pay for my procedure.  Four doctors say that I need to have this surgery along with my hysterectomy/myomectomy(removal of tumor), and apparently four doctors isn't enough.

I called my retirement fund to check the status of my emergency withdrawal check, and they told me the request had been rejected.  Why?  BECAUSE THE INSURANCE SAYS IT ISN'T MEDICALLY NECESSARY.

So, To Recap:

1.  Insurance company says that what my surgeons say is a medical necessity...isn't.
2. Retirement plan says that emergency funds aren't available for procedures not considered medically necessary.

Bottom line?  I'm now $2400.00 short of the total amount that I have to give the plastic surgeon UP FRONT in order to have my surgery.  Also, if I can't come up with the rest, I have borrowed $4800.00 against my car for nothing. 

One of my dear friends text me this:

"Just proceed as though God had already handled it!  He said if you have faith....!  I've seen it OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I don't THINK that He can do it, I KNOW HE CAN and WILL!  Just hold on to your faith, pray and let God handle the details!  Romans 5:1-5!"

 My hope is under fire.  Please God help me keep my hope.  I am doing my best not to freak out.  My friends are keeping me from going crazy or giving up, and if they weren't, I would have fallen apart as soon as I got off the phone with the retirement people. 

Part of me is thinking maybe I should just give up and deal with the risks of not having the second procedure.  But then I start itemizing the risks.  I just can't give up.

Thank God for my Friends!

 This is what one of my oldest and dearest friends shared.  How blessed am I to have her in my life!

"I have known Kimberly since I was 12....that's 22 years.  She has had a really rough road concerning medical problems.  I want to share with you this blog.  Some of her friends have rallied around her and encouraged her to set up a PayPal Donation button on this blog.  The financial strain of these current medical issues has become almost too great to bear. 

Please read her story.  Please pray for her.  Pray about donating to this fund that was set up for her, not by her.  She has a beautiful spirit.  She is and always will be one of my dearest friends. 

I ask if nothing else you forward this on to your friends.  Let's be a part of something bigger than us. "

A quieter day...

It's been quiet on the news front today.  There hasn't been any news all day.  Bright side?  I had the day off with my husband!   We ran errands, paid bills, renewed car tags, and just generally spent the day together.  I even got an afternoon nap!  It was very nice to recharge my batteries.

It's back to the grind tomorrow, and hopefully I will get a call from the surgeon's office with a date for surgery.  I don't mean to complain, but I hate not having my whole plan in order.  I just can't stand loose ends.  It is so frustrating, because during all this time, I'm still having some pretty severe symptoms.

On symptoms,  I woke up this morning with quite a bit of stomach pain.  I muscled through it, and while we were in Melbourne at the revenue office, I started feeling nauseated again.  I guess it was because I needed food.  So after the revenue office, which-by the way-is in desperate need of another air conditioner at the least, a whole new building at the next to best, and, more employees at the best,
We went to Sonic to grab a bite.  I had a burger, and it didn't make my tummy better.  The nap did help!  But when I woke up, my stomach was still hurting.  I picked up Riley from the sitter's house and came home. 

I just wish they would call, so I could begin my count-down.  This will be the biggest thing to happen to me medically since my son was born by emergency c-section.  I worry more than I should, but it's because I don't want something to go wrong or to get worse between now and the surgery day, whenever that may be.

Prayers and good thoughts, and support are so deeply appreciated.  I'll probably be posting through the waiting period, and after the surgery in order to organize my thoughts, and keep my dear friends and loved-ones updated on my condition.

I am hoping I can find the time to burn some CDs of my music recordings that I can put up for sale on here.  Hopefully I will be able to contribute in some way to the amazing help and support some are starting to give financially.  If you are on that list, and you know who you are, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

God Bless You All.

~Kimberly Brook

So I got a call....

So I got a call this morning from my first surgeon's nurse. He isn't going to have back surgery after all! Thank goodness for him! And pretty good news for me, too!  So, now I am back to my original surgeon again.  I still don't know the exact date of surgery, but they are giving me a guess of mid-August. I am waiting for all the surgeons to jive their schedules and give me a date.  Pre-Surgery testing is still on the books for next Monday, the 22nd.

***deep breath***

I was able to get a little bit of a discount from my original quote of $6800 down to $6495, which basically equates to 10% off the hospital's portion for the non-covered part of my surgery.  I have about $2400.00 I can access in a deferred retirement fund for part of that, but had to borrow $4800 against my car for the rest.  I borrowed enough money to ensure that other out of pocket medical expenses will be covered as well.  No surprises, if I can help it. Any money I can earn, save or raise will go toward paying off that loan.

***deep breath***

I have living expenses pretty much covered for the time I will be off work, which will be for 6-8 weeks.  I have some leave time built up, and have short term disability insurance that will help me recoup some lost income.  And of course family and medical leave will protect my job with Game and Fish.

***deep breath***

I am trying to remind myself to just keep breathing.  Soon this will be a memory and I will be well, and well on my way to the healthier person I know is in here someplace.

To those of you who have encouraged me in this endeavor to keep everyone updated and ask for prayer and support, thank you for the encouragement!  When stress weighs so heavily down upon you, you just don't know where to start.  Thank you for reminding me:

***Just Keep Breathing, Kimberly...***

A Little Update

As you may have already heard, a recent CT scan has found a significant (softball) sized tumor in my pelvic area.  We aren’t sure of anything more yet. I have met with the Gynecologic Oncologist, and he says it is most likely benign, but it needs to come out—along with my uterus, and possibly my ovaries.  I go back on the 24^th to have a pelvic ultrasound, which will better determine the exact location of the tumor, and where it is attached.  I am fairly certain based on symptoms that it is not inside my uterus, which leaves outside the uterus, or on one of the ovaries.  If it is ovaries, I will be starting menopause in a month or so, because any choice of not having them removed is not up for discussion if the tumor is attached there.  Not worth the risk of ovarian cancer now or in the future.

I may yet have the opportunity during my hysterectomy to have part of my tummy removed.  The only hang-up is whether insurance will agree with 4 of my doctors that it is a medical necessity.  I am a bit stressed about this hurdle, and could use some prayers and good thoughts.  I was actually trying to have this done before the tumor was found, and was denied, and then my first appeal was denied.  I have had two different people at the insurance company tell me two different ways to get this covered.  I feel almost like I am on a game show.  If I pick the wrong one of two doors, then too bad for me.  More diligence is apparently in order.  Also, the surgeon’s insurance coordinator says that it is up to me to file the appeal.  The insurance company says that the ordering physician is required to file for the appeal.  If this is the case, I may be stuck.  I hate the thought of not being able to have this part of the surgery based solely on that type of technicality.  It just makes sense that it should be covered, and I should have both surgeries simultaneously and take care of everything including healing time and anesthesia all at once.  Whether or not it is to be so, which I pray that it is, it seems that I must be content with the outcome.  I could still have the additional procedure, but I can’t afford it on my own.  I am worried that my incision won’t heal well and I will have more pain from the weight of my large stomach pulling at the stitches and laying on top of the incision.  Not to mention that it already causes me to have rashes and exacerbates my low back pain.

Also on the 24^th, I will meet with the plastic surgeon again.  The next morning, I will again meet with the G.O. and we will start making plans for surgery.  I likely won’t be able to have my hysterectomy, etc. until sometime after the first week of July, as my supervisor is out of the office that whole week.  There are only two of us in the office, so only one of us can be gone at any given time.  Recovery time will most likely be 6 weeks.  Thankfully, I have a great job with good benefits, and I will be able to use paid leave for a large portion of my time off.  I also was smart enough to sign up for AFLAC’s short-term disability coverage last year, which will pay me 80% of my salary after the first two weeks I’m off.  It’s not the full amount, but it beats the band compared to no income at all for a month.

So as usual, there is good news and bad news.  More to the point, there is good news, and the stress of not knowing exactly what comes next.  Prayers are needed. No; coveted.

Then....Now.....Then What?

The Past

Three summers ago, I had pain in my abdomen, just below the ribs on the right side.  Tests indicated that my gallbladder was non-functional.  No stones were found, it was just sitting there not doing anything in particular.  So, I had it removed, I recovered, and still had pain, but simply attributed it to irritable bowel syndrome or something.

Two summers ago I spent in what felt like total darkness.  Starting in April, I saw a neurologist who said that my horrific headaches were likely from intracranial pressure.  A spinal-tap later, I was in misery.  I tried pain medicine, migraine medicine that made me very sick, and very stupid.  I got lost on ‘back of the hand blindfolded’ roads.  I called people by the wrong name.  I took one medicine which made me very sick; the warning label should have stated something like:  ‘may cause what feels like a massive heart attack.’  I wore sunglasses indoors and earned the nickname ‘hollywood’ at work. 

Finally around November of that year, I went to see a pain specialist, and she suggested cervical branch block.  It’s a fancy term for burning all the irritated nerves in the neck.  For three months I went through the regimen of short acting test injections, then long acting, and finally the permanent burning of the nerves, one side at a time.  Totaling 24 injections in all.  I now only get headaches when I make my monthly turn of the ‘wheel of fortune’.  Such a relief!

That following spring, I got all healed from my headaches, and my back went out.  I missed a week of work.  MRI scans showed degenerative disk disease in my lowest vertebrae.  Treatment?  Lose weight.  I was then at 275 pounds.  Much of the weight I gained stemmed from being completely sedentary the year before.  I recovered from my back pain eventually, and last summer, decided to take back my life from the clutches of despair.  So I got last summer off from health problems.  Praise God for a great gift! 

At the end of the summer, I saw a plastic surgeon to discuss my huge (insert whatever synonym you like for breasts here).  I started one of the most rewarding journeys of my life.  I started walking, even did a 5 mile hike!  I began losing weight.  On November 9^th, after some preparation, I had a breast reduction.  I went from a 44G to a 42D.  They removed 6.5 pounds of breast tissue. I have never felt as good in my adult life.  Such a relief.  I continued walking and exercising, and my eating habits were steadily improving.  Since my back went out at 275, I have lost 33 pounds, putting me at 242, and still dropping.

The Present

Now it is summer again.  I still have pain in about the same place in my abdomen just under my right ribs as I had before I had my gallbladder removed, but it is livable, and I enjoy my time feeling better and getting healthier.   

But, as they say, good things are appreciated more when they are interspersed with some adversity.

 

Over the last few months, I have had some bouts of severe pain in that same area.  I have lots of pressure in my abdomen.  If I lay on my stomach, or while playing with my son (hands and knees), I get a surprise attack of some pretty severe pain.  It passes, but it is miserable.  Also, I have to play contortionist to get in a successful position to do bathroom business of either kind.  Also, I feel like I'm in there every 5 minutes.  I feel full after only a bite of food.  My stomach growls all the time, and I have gnawing pain in my gut, like I’m constantly hungry, even though I haven’t much of an appetite. And Oh! The Belching! The periodic womanly symptoms are increasing in intensity. 

I figured I might have an ulcer, which would have explained the pain in my belly.  Last week I had an upper endoscopy, where I had to swallow a camera so the doctor could look around.  He said that he didn’t see anything in my GI tract that would be causing my pain, and he wanted me to have a CT scan the next morning.  After the testing, and a painful sleepless weekend, I received my results.  My appointment was yesterday.  The doctor walks into the room and looks at me in that tone of voice you know means they found something, and that whatever it is-is not good. 

“You have a mass way down deep in your abdomen, in your reproductive area, and it is about the size of a grapefruit; 4.5 inches across.  We don’t know what it is for sure, only that it is there.  I want you to see a Gynecologic Oncologist in Mountain Home that can talk about cancer testing, and if you are done having kids, more than likely a total hysterectomy.  Your appointment is at 9:30 Monday morning.”

The Future

I don’t know what the future holds, exactly.  I do know that I most likely have major surgery in my future.  I will keep everyone posted as I find out what comes next.  A friend reminded me to take one problem at a time, and not let myself get overwhelmed with the ‘what if’s’…

So, I put it to you:  Please say some prayers for me.  I can use all the strength, good thoughts, and healing energy that I can absorb.

Bless you all for being my friends.  I am grateful for each of you.