Volume 2 ... Chapter One

So in June I got fed up with my heel hurting.  I went to my NP and told her about low back pain and pelvic discomfort (which I have had ever since my surgery 3 years ago, but which is getting worse.  I tell her I don't know if the pain in the front is worsening the pain in the back, or if the pain in my back is worsening the pain in my front.  I also have NO idea whatsoever what is causing this terrible burning pain in the bottom of my left foot.  I assume Plantar fascitis.

She prescribes me a muscle relaxer, and I set to work trying to lose some weight.  Time goes by, and if anything I am getting worse.  by July, I can't feel my toes.  I go back to NP and she adds a stronger anti-inflammatory and physical therapy.  I have an appointment scheduled to see a spine specialist in September.  She also orders an MRI.

The MRI shows bulging discs, degenerative disc disease, and herniation as well as moderate spinal stenosis on the left branch of nerves at two levels of my spine and right branch at one level.  Oh, and a 5cm (tennis ball) mass on my left ovary, probably a cyst.  Get a pelvic ultrasound. Concern is expressed in the report of a bowel loop.  Physical therapy is put on hold.  CT Scan is ordered.  CT shows that the mass has more than doubled in size in 2 weeks.  So has the pain.  It is now the end of August. I'm due for my wellness visit on the 29th. I feel like SUCH a liar.

The Last Year

Good morning.

It was the best of times; It was the worst of times.  Here's as quick a recapitulation as I could do:

In April, my supervisor had some personal and very domestic issues, the occurrence of which prompted her resignation on May 15th, 2015.  From that date to August 17th I had the responsibility of two full-time jobs and the pay of the lesser.  I had interviewed for the position and missed out on the promotion by only a tiny margin.  However, through the demonstration of miraculous favor, the original candidate backed out, and I had officially been promoted!  It took another 2.5 months to hire my replacement, who started to work on October 16th.  My work life took the best turn I could ever have dreamed possible.  This was the best of times!

In June, Riley started having seizures.  They were short and of the 'absent' sort; thankfully not grand or prolonged.  The official diagnosis was Complex Partial Seizure disorder.  Along with the seizures came a significant deterioration of behavior. All his caregivers were at their wit's end.  We finally saw the neurologist on September 30th.  Medication has helped, and he has not had a true 'episode' since beginning treatment.  

In August, Riley began 4th grade. Within the first week he had been suspended, paddled (without permission due to a misunderstanding), and removed from the school bus indefinitely.  We were a wreck.  His behavior therapist was recommending he be placed in a long-term behavior treatment facility.  Depression was creeping all around my existence. We made it through the first half of the school year but by the Grace of God. We were on a long waiting list for admission into the behavior facility-5 hours away from home.  Finally, we received a call from our first choice, which was a program at UAMS called PRI (Psych Research Institute) CDU (Child Diagnostic Unit)  This is the single best thing that could have happened.  Riley spent 28 days as an inpatient in this facility with minute-to-minute supervision, gobs of evaluations of all kinds, and answers galore to all our questions.  We know our son better now.  We discontinued medications that weren't working.  We added medicines that are.  Riley is a complicated little fella, but at least we know better how to help him.  Riley started 5th grade three weeks ago.  We've had NO disciplinary issues.  We've had NO suspensions.  We've got a little boy who has a pretty good day at school and then comes home and actually DOES HIS HOMEWORK, and READS to his MAMA AND DADDY!  The first book brought tears of utter joy.

In December, I was taken by ambulance to the hospital in Mountain Home, Again, for upper right abdominal pain.  They say it is 'functional pain' that I will have to simply live with forever.  I am not really satisfied with this prognosis, but since we always seem to have bigger fish to fry, I let it go.

In January, Michael went with his mother on his first real vacation as an adult.  They had a great opportunity to take a Jamaican cruise, and they took it!  He had the time of his life, and I expect, the food of his life, too!

In March, while Riley was safe and sound at UAMS, I took the advice of EVERYONE I know and took the very unique and amazing opportunity to fly to Mexico with my friend Fredericka and spend 8 days at a gorgeous 5 star resort.  I flew on airplanes.  I took a catamaran across the ocean to Cozumel where I bought jewelery and swam with the fishes.  The water was clear and amazing.  The fish were vibrant and gorgeous.  I ate world class meals, drank lovely beverages, played with pretty pink flamingos, spied giant iguanas from mere inches away.  Talked to some incredibly lazy gators sunning themselves in the mud, and many other fun and interesting things like a tequila foot massage with a delightfully STRONG margarita finisher!  While I was there and thoroughly enjoying myself, my husband had the terrible job of taking Hunter the Super Cat to his final vet visit and saying goodbye.  He was almost 20 years old.  He had an amazing life, and an incredible personality that I dearly miss.

April 1st, I had some minor scar revision surgery to try and eliminate more abdominal pain that I have been fighting for the nearly three years since my major surgery ordeal.  It definitely fixed the ugly scarring, but I am sorry to say that it did not help the pain deep down in my lower left pelvic area.  During this time I followed my husband's lead and QUIT SMOKING.  I opted instead to start vaping.  This is obviously not the same as quitting completely, but my house is fresh and clean, and my lungs are clear and happy, and I very nearly never vape.  I haven't touched a cigarette since early April and have had many opportunities to falter.  I could never before now say that I abstained from actual smoking for this long since I started smoking at 18.  I truly believe it'll stick this time!

May came along and brought me a....Brand....NEW....CAR!!!  Well, no. Not really.  I traded my 2006 Hyundai Sonata for a very pretty 2013 Kia Optima Loaded.  I love it, but for the payment and the less than stellar backroading capability.  Meba and Papa don't exactly live in a well-appointed subdivision, you see.  May 15th marked ONE YEAR in the best job EVER!

June brought a funny thing. I started having a very sharp pain in my left heel constantly.  This pain felt as if someone had heated an ice pick red hot and pressed it firmly into the bone in my heel.  I assumed it was Plantar Fascitis and treated it as such. I was also having some pretty constant and serious back pain. The pain got steadily worse. Finally, in 

August I went in with symptoms of what I thought was bladder infection.  The urinalysis was clear.  Then I had an MRI.  This sucker kinda punched me in the gut.  I have two bulging discs, one of which is degenerated and 'dried up' to about half its normal thickness with a tiny herniation of the central portion of the disc.  I have stenosis (narrowing) in the spinal canal and the nerve root canals on both sides (mostly left) causing weakness in my hip and left leg, numbness in the toes of my left foot, and that confounded burning heel pain, which is now trying to occur on the right side, too.  And that is the least of my worries, it appears.  The MRI also showed a 5cm mass in the lower left pelvic area.  A pelvic ultrasound was ordered.  This was not too conclusive and only served to scare me worse, as they were starting to fear that I had a small bowel obstruction.  A cat scan was ordered.  This was two weeks from the initial MRI.  It showed the mass had doubled in size to 10.3cm.  The pain is increasing daily.  I am waiting to see a surgeon.  I am not very good at waiting in pain.

Last Tuesday my mom called me up to tell me that her biopsy, which I knew of but promptly forgot about because I had complete faith that it would be benign, WASN'T.  My mom has breast cancer.  She had surgery to remove it last Friday.  She is doing okay, but I am sure she is worried.

I am TIRED. Myself and several of my friends and family members are hurting.  Prayers would be super.

As I bring this recap to a close it is 11:28 p.m. and way past my bedtime.  It's a shame I can't sleep.

The Transition

From "Kimberly, You have a long road ahead" to "The Stuff of Life"

It's time to make the jump.  Now that I have traversed the arduous journey from 'the diagnosis' to 'the recovery', I have decided to move back to my original blog, and to write about more than just my health. I ask that you share my blog if you like it, maybe help get me a little exposure.

I want to write about positive and encouraging things.  If something I say seems to the contrary, I guarantee you here and now, that is is not my intent.

It seems to me, humankind has a tendency to wallow in misery and shut out love and support when it is needed most.  There is so much negativity; so much fear.  Let's face it -- loads of news about bad things happening stream into our homes moment by moment. Criminal activity, helpless victims of brutality, destitution, sickness, of both body and mind, looming threats to our physical, mental or financial well being.  I am not naive.  I know these things can't be avoided.  However, I have made the conscious choice for my part, to look for positive facets of every shard of broken glass. Reflection from so many different angles can shed light in the most unexpected places. I hope to be able to help mend a broken vessel so it doesn't have to sit in a corner, empty and useless.  I endeavor to provide encouragement, no matter how little good might come from it.  It never hurts to help, and the contrary is also true.

So, I hope you will make the jump along with me, and I hope that you enjoy what you see.  If you do, please share, and help spread encouragement.  There are plenty of other people spreading the contrary.

God Bless!

Get your Armor, and your Friends.

 

^Blackmore's Night - Village Lanterne^

Monday, I saw both of my doctors.  Everything looked good on both accounts.  I will go back to Dr. Newman on the 21st for some scar revision procedures which will be done in the clinic.  This will require only local anesthetic.  I will get to see how he does it!  I know. That makes me weird. I don't care.  I am intrigued by how resilient the human body can be. And how frail.  And how precious life is.  How special each and every one of us is.  We are like snowflakes, with fingerprints.

Details aside, I had an experience last night which was humbling, if not harrowing.  I got a tiny glimpse into the lives of those who are fighting, or supporting someone in their fight, with cancer.  My experience with this tumor and subsequent surgery was scary enough.  Having even the smallest chance of a cancer diagnosis had us all scared to death.  I can't imagine having to find the strength to walk that road. So many uncertainties.  So many odds, stacked against success.  Some already lost their battle with cancer.  The ones they leave behind still fight the war.  

The effects of cancer don't disappear with a death.  They morph into a sickness of the heart.  They tear at faith and hope.  They make those left behind have to rebuild from the ground up from what feels in the moment like a total loss.  And the amazing thing is that they can.  They do.  They heal.  Slow, but sure.  They use their experience to help others, who are trapped fast in the trenches and the throes of war.  Battle after battle.  Exhaustion and fear often nipping their heels.  Somehow they persevere. 

And then they discover that someone they know is just starting their journey.  Their immediate reaction to this news is to reach out, no matter how bad it hurts to remember.  No matter that their heart is pounding out of their chest and their hands are trembling with the memory.  The comfort they have the power to give is unmatched on this earth, though it did come with a price. 

I got to be there, listening to this interchange.  The silent supporter of this valiant heart.  They spoke, and I listened, and prayed. .  It was like watching someone literally rise above the the earth, carrying a mountain on their shoulders.  Did they do this alone?  No.  But it was a feat of extreme faith, intense compassion and empathy, and a really great God. I couldn't have found anything I would rather have done with my time, even if I wanted to.  

God Bless you all.  And no matter what your struggle, remember:

When a person’s heart is troubled
Hanging but by a single thread
Do your best to mend the stitches
Wipe the painful tears they’ve shed

Never leave a person helpless
Trapped beneath their toppled dreams
Show them hope they don’t possess
Help find peace to break them free

There is always an escape from danger
Relief from the troubles that they’ve met
Help them let go of their anger,
When they don’t have the power yet

The obstacles of life take strength
To rise above and make it through
Moving mountains is a feat
That can quickly get the best of you

And, don’t forget you’re not alone

When a mountain blocks your way

Chances are, you’ll have some help

From a wounded heart you once helped save.

 ~Kimberly Williamson, 1999

SO I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TODAY...and then the Neighborhood Caught on Fire...

...IN THE RAIN...WITH MY HANDS FULL...7 WEEKS AND ONE DAY POST OP.....

-Because I am lovely and smart and graceful? no...
-Because I felt I needed a bigger challenge? no...
-Because I wanted to feel pain evenly throughout my entire body, and not just in my abdomen? no...

-Because I was trying to be smart and keep my flats out of the rain puddles by wearing really old crocs? 

-Because I am stupid stupid stupid for wearing slick crocs in the rain?
-Because I was running around in the rain in a hurry?

...Yes! Yes! YES!


So this morning, Riley's teacher texted me. He cried each time he coughed. Said his ear hurt. Didn't say this at home less than an hour before.  No fever.  I decided to bring him some tylenol and some nasal spray.  It was pouring down rain.  I had worn my crocs and carried my flats with me so I wouldn't have to spend the day with wet feet.  I re-abandoned my flats, donned my crocs and took off the short mile drive from the office back home.  I carefully treaded up the steps and into the house, gathered the items I came to retrieve, and let the dogs out.  They came back in, and I departed.

I thought to myself: 'Okay, shoes are slick.  Be careful going down the...' and I stepped.  

Apparently I was not careful enough.  Left foot first.  I'm not sure what happened to the rest of my appendages after that.  I yelled 'Noooooooo! in slow motion, knowing all the while (.08 or so seconds) that I was in big trouble on impact.  I had no idea so many thoughts could race through your head in that short amount of time.  Are my surgical wounds healed enough to endure this?  This is going to hurt so bad.  I bet this is going to leave a nasty bruise.  I'm going to need some ice.  I bet this hurts way worse in the morning.

IMPACT.

More thoughts. It's raining. Doggone it!  I can't even lay here and suffer and stay dry.  I am going to have to change my clothes. Oh Lord. I have to go back to work.  I'm going to have to sit on this busted arse all day.  Geez I still have to go to the school!

So I scramble back up the wet, muddy stairs and into the house.  I throw myself face first onto the couch, panting and groaning.  My husband runs in from the next room to find me lying there with my fanny exposed.  He says 'oooh. that's going to make a nasty bruise.'

I change my clothes, put on tennis shoes, and head back out into the muck and the rain.  I take care of Riley, and finish my work day without further incident.

I came home from work, threw myself, again, face first into bed and slept two solid hours.  Then supper.  Then a hot bath.

Then my friend called me. I was finishing up this blog entry, and posted it.  We had just started talking about my offended fanny, when I heard a loud explosion outside. I shot from my rocker and rushed to the door. I hung up on my friend and called 911.  They already knew and had trucks en route. The house, across from the house across from me was completely engulfed in flames.  I quickly called my husband's phone, which rang behind me on his desk.  Drat. He went to the store without it.  After walking all over the neighborhood, and hanging up on my friend two or three more times, I finally settled down.  The house was lost, and I don't think anyone was home.

I discovered two things tonight.  I can run now if I need to, and running makes me tired!

A few tips:  Strive to be lovely and smart and graceful whether you are or not.  Take new challenges head on, but be careful!  Run once in a while! Never assume someone else called 911. Just call.  Your quick action could make all the difference.   And above all remember:  Even the best laid plans can be a real pain in the butt.  Take it from an expert.

Until next time, God Bless!

Back to Work: One Weak...

It's true what they say.  One week makes one weak  At least, it does when your body is struggling to heal from a major operation, and you can't shake a horrible sinus infection.

Monday was very busy, but I got a reprieve at 3 p.m. when I had to pick up my son from school.  I felt awful, but I got so much accomplished.  I came home and tried to lay down, but all I could do was fight drainage.  Overnight, my sinus infection began to sink down to  my throat, making it nearly impossible for me to sleep.  I woke up choking around 2 a.m. and took a steam shower with menthol.  My husband found the Vicks in the medicine cabinet and made me stand still while he slathered my nose, chest, and neck, which I have to say, makes him a bigger hero to me than Iron Man and all the others combined.  I drank chamomile tea with honey and lemon, and he tucked me into bed, propped almost straight up with blankets and pillows.  I slept about two hours and then had to get up and go to the couch to keep from coughing so much and waking him up again.

Tuesday was busy but not like Monday, and I got quite a bit accomplished, despite pure exhaustion.   I didn't want to go back to the doctor, but I called and he was kind enough to call me in another round of antibiotics and some awesome cough syrup.  Michael was off, and he picked up Riley from school and they came to see me at the office. We all left around 3:30.  Riley and I went to Subway to 'cook dinner' and Michael visited the pharmacy to get my medicine.  Tuesday evening was fuzzy.  I ate, I medicated, I went to bed.  I slept some better during the night, and awoke feeling some better too. 

Wednesday, work started out fine.  I couldn't take the cough syrup and stay awake at work though, and I coughed so much and so hard that I thought I would split in two.  Wednesday was also the day that the sneezing started.  The muscles in my lower abdomen, already offended and complaining, were now screaming in desperation for me to stop.  I made it all the way to 4:30 and went straight home.  Riley had church, so I ate Spaghetti-Ohs with meatballs (one of my ultimate comfort foods) for supper, medicated, and went to bed.  I got up just before Riley got home from church, fixed us a late dinner, ate it, and went back to bed.  I slept much better during the night, and woke feeling much better than the day before.  My cough had abated a bit.

Thursday I felt like I might be heading to the  upswing. Though I was coughing, it was less often and more productive, but still horribly painful.  We got some significant phone upgrades at my office Thursday.  It was very nice having the added functionality!  Thursday evening I made it to the grocery store. I came home and made awesome tacos for dinner.  I went to bed and slept all night.

Friday, work was fantastic.  I love the days when I am busy every minute. The days when every time I look at the clock, several hours have passed in what feels like a blink.  Before I knew it, the work day was over, and we were headed to Mountain Home to pay off our Home Depot bill.  We threw in a trip to Yoshi and Petco.  This is one of Riley's favorite night out combinations.  We came home and lavished our labs with luxurious treats from the pet store.  They were loving life!  I had such a good night's sleep during the night, that my poor husband didn't.  He said I was snoring.  And not just snoring, but the kind you just can't block out.  God bless him for just letting me saw down the forest, after the week I just survived.

Today we got up and went to Michael's parents house.  They were out of town for his mom's birthday, and we spent all day washing, buffing, and waxing and polishing her van as a birthday surprise.  They got back home around 5 p.m. and she was so excited about her pretty van!  We left there and headed back into town.  We 'cooked' at Subway again and then Michael and Riley went with some friends to the Rumble in the Rock truck pull.  I had a couple of hours of quiet time to myself!  I celebrated by promptly falling sound asleep.

So, tomorrow is another day.  I am on the mend, and am grateful for prayers and good thoughts for healing.  I am also grateful for antibiotics, cough syrup, naps, a fantastic relationship with my husband, a super great kiddo, two half-human doggies, and hot tea.  The only thing that would make my life better would be self-folding laundry!

Good night all! God bless! 

Back to Work: T Minus 3...2...1....Tomorrow! And then THAT hppened.

Foreword:  I began this post Sunday Night.  Before I got really sick.  Again.  I have been taking almost a steady dose of antibiotics since late August.  From whatever they gave me intravenously in the hospital, to Keflex for 7 days, to Bactrim for 7 days....to Amoxicillin for 9 days, replaced today with Keflex--again--for ten days, starting today.  I can't kill whatever it is that's trying to renovate my sinuses. So, fire up your Flux Capacitor and crank it to 88.  We have to start at the end of the countdown before we can count back up.

So it's one day shy of 6 weeks since my surgery day. I have healed considerably well. I do still have a couple of slow-healing areas across my incision, but they are closing. Internally, I am still very tender, and everything feels tight and I have some dissolvable stitches that are pulling a bit, and it burns like fire when they do. I can avoid it if I don't turn a certain way, but sometimes it just happens.

Clothing fits so differently now. I actually don't have any pair of jeans that doesn't still fit, but I have to wear them pulled up very high. They slide down constantly, and I have to hike them up. And then again. And again. I hate to buy new clothes yet, though. I have read, and have been told by my doctor that the swelling takes a really long time to go down. I have found estimates from doctors online ranging from 12 weeks all the way to two years. I plan to give it at least until Christmas, and then maybe beg my husband to take me to Branson shopping for all kinds of cool bargain clothes for my gift this year. He reads my blog, so I will know if this idea is amenable by tomorrow! I just made this idea up while writing. I bet he's really happy that he has encouraged me to write because he knows how much it helps me to cope with the stresses of life!  I love you, darling!  You pay for gas,  I'll get the rest :)

So back to work Monday. I am so excited! I am a little scared that my endurance isn't going to be adequate. I have a desk job, and that may be my saving grace. My supervisor has said that she will try to help make my transition back to the working world as comfortable as possible. I am grateful.

....AND, then it was Monday. Stay tuned for a recap of my first days back.  They were absolutely NOT as comfortable as I had hoped, but I prevailed.  I could use a prayer or two.

So, until next time:  May God bless you all!