Get your Armor, and your Friends.

 

^Blackmore's Night - Village Lanterne^

Monday, I saw both of my doctors.  Everything looked good on both accounts.  I will go back to Dr. Newman on the 21st for some scar revision procedures which will be done in the clinic.  This will require only local anesthetic.  I will get to see how he does it!  I know. That makes me weird. I don't care.  I am intrigued by how resilient the human body can be. And how frail.  And how precious life is.  How special each and every one of us is.  We are like snowflakes, with fingerprints.

Details aside, I had an experience last night which was humbling, if not harrowing.  I got a tiny glimpse into the lives of those who are fighting, or supporting someone in their fight, with cancer.  My experience with this tumor and subsequent surgery was scary enough.  Having even the smallest chance of a cancer diagnosis had us all scared to death.  I can't imagine having to find the strength to walk that road. So many uncertainties.  So many odds, stacked against success.  Some already lost their battle with cancer.  The ones they leave behind still fight the war.  

The effects of cancer don't disappear with a death.  They morph into a sickness of the heart.  They tear at faith and hope.  They make those left behind have to rebuild from the ground up from what feels in the moment like a total loss.  And the amazing thing is that they can.  They do.  They heal.  Slow, but sure.  They use their experience to help others, who are trapped fast in the trenches and the throes of war.  Battle after battle.  Exhaustion and fear often nipping their heels.  Somehow they persevere. 

And then they discover that someone they know is just starting their journey.  Their immediate reaction to this news is to reach out, no matter how bad it hurts to remember.  No matter that their heart is pounding out of their chest and their hands are trembling with the memory.  The comfort they have the power to give is unmatched on this earth, though it did come with a price. 

I got to be there, listening to this interchange.  The silent supporter of this valiant heart.  They spoke, and I listened, and prayed. .  It was like watching someone literally rise above the the earth, carrying a mountain on their shoulders.  Did they do this alone?  No.  But it was a feat of extreme faith, intense compassion and empathy, and a really great God. I couldn't have found anything I would rather have done with my time, even if I wanted to.  

God Bless you all.  And no matter what your struggle, remember:

When a person’s heart is troubled
Hanging but by a single thread
Do your best to mend the stitches
Wipe the painful tears they’ve shed

Never leave a person helpless
Trapped beneath their toppled dreams
Show them hope they don’t possess
Help find peace to break them free

There is always an escape from danger
Relief from the troubles that they’ve met
Help them let go of their anger,
When they don’t have the power yet

The obstacles of life take strength
To rise above and make it through
Moving mountains is a feat
That can quickly get the best of you

And, don’t forget you’re not alone

When a mountain blocks your way

Chances are, you’ll have some help

From a wounded heart you once helped save.

 ~Kimberly Williamson, 1999

SO I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TODAY...and then the Neighborhood Caught on Fire...

...IN THE RAIN...WITH MY HANDS FULL...7 WEEKS AND ONE DAY POST OP.....

-Because I am lovely and smart and graceful? no...
-Because I felt I needed a bigger challenge? no...
-Because I wanted to feel pain evenly throughout my entire body, and not just in my abdomen? no...

-Because I was trying to be smart and keep my flats out of the rain puddles by wearing really old crocs? 

-Because I am stupid stupid stupid for wearing slick crocs in the rain?
-Because I was running around in the rain in a hurry?

...Yes! Yes! YES!


So this morning, Riley's teacher texted me. He cried each time he coughed. Said his ear hurt. Didn't say this at home less than an hour before.  No fever.  I decided to bring him some tylenol and some nasal spray.  It was pouring down rain.  I had worn my crocs and carried my flats with me so I wouldn't have to spend the day with wet feet.  I re-abandoned my flats, donned my crocs and took off the short mile drive from the office back home.  I carefully treaded up the steps and into the house, gathered the items I came to retrieve, and let the dogs out.  They came back in, and I departed.

I thought to myself: 'Okay, shoes are slick.  Be careful going down the...' and I stepped.  

Apparently I was not careful enough.  Left foot first.  I'm not sure what happened to the rest of my appendages after that.  I yelled 'Noooooooo! in slow motion, knowing all the while (.08 or so seconds) that I was in big trouble on impact.  I had no idea so many thoughts could race through your head in that short amount of time.  Are my surgical wounds healed enough to endure this?  This is going to hurt so bad.  I bet this is going to leave a nasty bruise.  I'm going to need some ice.  I bet this hurts way worse in the morning.

IMPACT.

More thoughts. It's raining. Doggone it!  I can't even lay here and suffer and stay dry.  I am going to have to change my clothes. Oh Lord. I have to go back to work.  I'm going to have to sit on this busted arse all day.  Geez I still have to go to the school!

So I scramble back up the wet, muddy stairs and into the house.  I throw myself face first onto the couch, panting and groaning.  My husband runs in from the next room to find me lying there with my fanny exposed.  He says 'oooh. that's going to make a nasty bruise.'

I change my clothes, put on tennis shoes, and head back out into the muck and the rain.  I take care of Riley, and finish my work day without further incident.

I came home from work, threw myself, again, face first into bed and slept two solid hours.  Then supper.  Then a hot bath.

Then my friend called me. I was finishing up this blog entry, and posted it.  We had just started talking about my offended fanny, when I heard a loud explosion outside. I shot from my rocker and rushed to the door. I hung up on my friend and called 911.  They already knew and had trucks en route. The house, across from the house across from me was completely engulfed in flames.  I quickly called my husband's phone, which rang behind me on his desk.  Drat. He went to the store without it.  After walking all over the neighborhood, and hanging up on my friend two or three more times, I finally settled down.  The house was lost, and I don't think anyone was home.

I discovered two things tonight.  I can run now if I need to, and running makes me tired!

A few tips:  Strive to be lovely and smart and graceful whether you are or not.  Take new challenges head on, but be careful!  Run once in a while! Never assume someone else called 911. Just call.  Your quick action could make all the difference.   And above all remember:  Even the best laid plans can be a real pain in the butt.  Take it from an expert.

Until next time, God Bless!

Back to Work: One Weak...

It's true what they say.  One week makes one weak  At least, it does when your body is struggling to heal from a major operation, and you can't shake a horrible sinus infection.

Monday was very busy, but I got a reprieve at 3 p.m. when I had to pick up my son from school.  I felt awful, but I got so much accomplished.  I came home and tried to lay down, but all I could do was fight drainage.  Overnight, my sinus infection began to sink down to  my throat, making it nearly impossible for me to sleep.  I woke up choking around 2 a.m. and took a steam shower with menthol.  My husband found the Vicks in the medicine cabinet and made me stand still while he slathered my nose, chest, and neck, which I have to say, makes him a bigger hero to me than Iron Man and all the others combined.  I drank chamomile tea with honey and lemon, and he tucked me into bed, propped almost straight up with blankets and pillows.  I slept about two hours and then had to get up and go to the couch to keep from coughing so much and waking him up again.

Tuesday was busy but not like Monday, and I got quite a bit accomplished, despite pure exhaustion.   I didn't want to go back to the doctor, but I called and he was kind enough to call me in another round of antibiotics and some awesome cough syrup.  Michael was off, and he picked up Riley from school and they came to see me at the office. We all left around 3:30.  Riley and I went to Subway to 'cook dinner' and Michael visited the pharmacy to get my medicine.  Tuesday evening was fuzzy.  I ate, I medicated, I went to bed.  I slept some better during the night, and awoke feeling some better too. 

Wednesday, work started out fine.  I couldn't take the cough syrup and stay awake at work though, and I coughed so much and so hard that I thought I would split in two.  Wednesday was also the day that the sneezing started.  The muscles in my lower abdomen, already offended and complaining, were now screaming in desperation for me to stop.  I made it all the way to 4:30 and went straight home.  Riley had church, so I ate Spaghetti-Ohs with meatballs (one of my ultimate comfort foods) for supper, medicated, and went to bed.  I got up just before Riley got home from church, fixed us a late dinner, ate it, and went back to bed.  I slept much better during the night, and woke feeling much better than the day before.  My cough had abated a bit.

Thursday I felt like I might be heading to the  upswing. Though I was coughing, it was less often and more productive, but still horribly painful.  We got some significant phone upgrades at my office Thursday.  It was very nice having the added functionality!  Thursday evening I made it to the grocery store. I came home and made awesome tacos for dinner.  I went to bed and slept all night.

Friday, work was fantastic.  I love the days when I am busy every minute. The days when every time I look at the clock, several hours have passed in what feels like a blink.  Before I knew it, the work day was over, and we were headed to Mountain Home to pay off our Home Depot bill.  We threw in a trip to Yoshi and Petco.  This is one of Riley's favorite night out combinations.  We came home and lavished our labs with luxurious treats from the pet store.  They were loving life!  I had such a good night's sleep during the night, that my poor husband didn't.  He said I was snoring.  And not just snoring, but the kind you just can't block out.  God bless him for just letting me saw down the forest, after the week I just survived.

Today we got up and went to Michael's parents house.  They were out of town for his mom's birthday, and we spent all day washing, buffing, and waxing and polishing her van as a birthday surprise.  They got back home around 5 p.m. and she was so excited about her pretty van!  We left there and headed back into town.  We 'cooked' at Subway again and then Michael and Riley went with some friends to the Rumble in the Rock truck pull.  I had a couple of hours of quiet time to myself!  I celebrated by promptly falling sound asleep.

So, tomorrow is another day.  I am on the mend, and am grateful for prayers and good thoughts for healing.  I am also grateful for antibiotics, cough syrup, naps, a fantastic relationship with my husband, a super great kiddo, two half-human doggies, and hot tea.  The only thing that would make my life better would be self-folding laundry!

Good night all! God bless! 

Back to Work: T Minus 3...2...1....Tomorrow! And then THAT hppened.

Foreword:  I began this post Sunday Night.  Before I got really sick.  Again.  I have been taking almost a steady dose of antibiotics since late August.  From whatever they gave me intravenously in the hospital, to Keflex for 7 days, to Bactrim for 7 days....to Amoxicillin for 9 days, replaced today with Keflex--again--for ten days, starting today.  I can't kill whatever it is that's trying to renovate my sinuses. So, fire up your Flux Capacitor and crank it to 88.  We have to start at the end of the countdown before we can count back up.

So it's one day shy of 6 weeks since my surgery day. I have healed considerably well. I do still have a couple of slow-healing areas across my incision, but they are closing. Internally, I am still very tender, and everything feels tight and I have some dissolvable stitches that are pulling a bit, and it burns like fire when they do. I can avoid it if I don't turn a certain way, but sometimes it just happens.

Clothing fits so differently now. I actually don't have any pair of jeans that doesn't still fit, but I have to wear them pulled up very high. They slide down constantly, and I have to hike them up. And then again. And again. I hate to buy new clothes yet, though. I have read, and have been told by my doctor that the swelling takes a really long time to go down. I have found estimates from doctors online ranging from 12 weeks all the way to two years. I plan to give it at least until Christmas, and then maybe beg my husband to take me to Branson shopping for all kinds of cool bargain clothes for my gift this year. He reads my blog, so I will know if this idea is amenable by tomorrow! I just made this idea up while writing. I bet he's really happy that he has encouraged me to write because he knows how much it helps me to cope with the stresses of life!  I love you, darling!  You pay for gas,  I'll get the rest :)

So back to work Monday. I am so excited! I am a little scared that my endurance isn't going to be adequate. I have a desk job, and that may be my saving grace. My supervisor has said that she will try to help make my transition back to the working world as comfortable as possible. I am grateful.

....AND, then it was Monday. Stay tuned for a recap of my first days back.  They were absolutely NOT as comfortable as I had hoped, but I prevailed.  I could use a prayer or two.

So, until next time:  May God bless you all!

Countdown, Back to Work.....One Week

Things are going fine in the healing department.  I'm a little slow, but we all knew that already :)  My main problem hasn't been recovering from surgery, which by the way is going to take way more than 6 weeks.  I will just have to start back to work then.  Incidentally, 6 weeks puts me back to work next Monday, the 7th.  October 7th seemed like such a far off time, 5 weeks ago.  Now it may as well be tomorrow.  Anyhow, back to my main problem.  I can't stay well!  I keep getting sinus crap!  I don't usually use words like that when I write, but let's just tell it like it is, shall we?  It's crap!  Utter crap.  I was sick the second week after surgery for a week.  I had a bit of a break and then, wham!  Upper respiratory infection of some ungodly sort.

And it was strange.  I don't know if any of you has had a cold come on and you could pinpoint the EXACT moment that the germ won the antibody battle.  For me, it was 7 p.m. on Saturday, the 21st.  We had just come home from having dinner with friends, and I felt it.  My swallow didn't feel quite 'right' you know?  Like someone tele-ported a shooter marble to the back of my sinus cavity. It was just there all of a sudden.  No gradual onset here.  And it persisted!  I fought and fought and heaped all manner of home remedy upon the ugly thing for a whole week!  With no victory in sight, and the monster making its way from my sinuses to  my throat, I surrendered. Friday morning I went to the doctor.  He made me breathe while he listened.  Not in my lungs yet.  Just in time.  He pulled out his magic pad and sent a prescription of amoxicillin to my pharmacy.  I went in, picked it up, along with some mucinex and headed home.  On the way out, I shook my finger at the pharmacists and said, "Now, you don't want to see me in here again."  Laughter erupted from behind the counter and I knew my humor was not lost on them.  Now with that knowledge and drugs, I could get some rest. ....So, Monday, I was back at the pharmacy for more drugs.  More cream for my incision that is still healing, and medicine for my darling son, but that's next week's post. :)

The antibiotics made me feel just awful.  Everything tastes like a sixteen-penny nail.  Something, I guess the antibiotics, makes me crazy tired.  I slept most of last week.  The only things I remember are trips to the bathroom and an occasional meal, the origins of which remain fuzzy.  Did I cook?  Did someone bring me this?  Hard to say, but the house didn't burn down and I still have all my fingers, so I'm calling it a win.

Have a great week everyone, and whatever you do, be awake while cooking!

God Bless you All :)

~Kimberly

How it is.

It will be 4 weeks tomorrow since my operation.  I feel better, but not best.  I don't feel better than I did before my surgery, but the stomach pain is completely gone.  Two more weeks and I head back into the world of the working.  I try to do some little thing productive each day, but I know my body, and I can do ONLY one substantial thing per day yet.  Yesterday, my husband and my son helped me clean house.  I laid down for a nap at 1:30.  At 2:00 pm, our good friends stopped by to surprise us! I was so relieved we took the time to clean up a little! It made the visit so much more enjoyable since I didn't have to fret over doggy hair, dust, dishes, or dirt. Last night, I got really sick.  Around 7 p.m. I started feeling really bad. My temp started creeping up, and I felt like someone had shoved a marble into my sinuses.  My head was throbbing.  I took lots of medicine to help, and I slept all night and most of today.  I missed church.  I have only been once since I had surgery, which was last week.  I wasn't ready then either.  I started feeling better around 5 or 6 p.m. tonight.  It is 2 a.m. now, so apparently I slept enough that I am not sleepy.  I will be working the next two weeks to get myself back into the correct day/night routine.  Maybe it will be easy.  Probably, it won't be.  I hope tomorrow to get at least one productive thing done.  Wish me luck!

So in my last post, I mentioned that our renters gave notice that they would be leaving for a bigger home.  They came today and finished cleaning up, and they did a great job.  There is some little work left to do; wash walls, shampoo carpet in one bedroom, clean air conditioner.  Just little things.  As we inspected, we decided that we don't want to re-rent the place.  At least not for a while.  We want our house to be just our house for a while.  We looked at the finances, and the pros and cons of both options.  Michael convinced me easily.  With my increase in pay at work and with the money we will save on the energy and water costs of running two households, we will be able to pay the house payment ourselves.  I will get to have my music room again!  We will continue mainly living upstairs, but again be able to have a guest bedroom and a living area where we can entertain our friends who have allergies to our pets.  I may go back to using the bigger kitchen as well.  We will get to go back to having plenty of storage for all our stuff.  I just have to remember not to get too much more stuff!

My few dreams for the place will have to come about slowly, due to my healing.  But I like to go over the dreams and see the end result in my head.  There's no weight limit on lifting when you dream!  One of the dreams is a bit pragmatic, but it is going to be super cool if we can get it done.  I want a spiral staircase.  We removed the old staircase when we divided the house to rent the lower level.  Now there is no way to get up and down from inside the house.  I priced them.  They aren't cheap.  It costs around $2,000 for a kit.  I am hoping that maybe building our own will be possible.  If not, I did find one very small, that is to say narrow kit for $610.  Whether or not this is possible remains to be seen, but it is at the upper tier of my dream list!!

I was supposed to take Riley to Children's hospital for three appointments tomorrow.  ENT, Audiology, and Vision.  I'm not physically ready to make that trip.  My car is not physically ready either.  I think I may reschedule for some time after the first of the year so that I can spend the rest of this one doing a really good job of healing.

I have started writing some on my other blog.  I hope you like this one, and if you like exposition, poetry, and humor, that is what I am shooting for there.  http://itsjustusinhere.blogspot.com/ is the link.  This blog will continue as well, at least for now.  It may be that I change its focus over time to my music.  What do you think?  Let me know!

God bless you in all that you endeavor to do!

Follow Up

Yesterday was super hard. The trouble with having two surgeons is having two follow-up appointments in one day.  Today was the maiden voyage to Mountain Home driving myself.  I was reassured that the tumor that was found was benign, and I do not have to worry about cancer!  Praise the Lord!  I am healing well, and though I do have a couple of open areas in my incision, the doctor says he's not worried, there is no infection, and I am on the mend.  I just have to take my time and rest.  I can finally stand up straight this morning, which feels nice.  Yesterday I felt miserable.  I ran out of pain medicine over the weekend, and ibuprofen wasn't quite doing the trick.  I got those refilled yesterday, and I slept like a rock last night.  I woke this morning feeling refreshed, and better than I have felt in several days!  My sinus infection has abated, my antibiotics are all done (hopefully for good), and I'm looking forward to a nice, quiet day at home.

Thankfully, yesterday was fairly temperate, and I didn't have to run my air conditioning.  My car has a problem.  One of my seals is leaking oil all over the belt and one side of the motor.  It seems worse when it's really hot and the air is running, so it was actually good that I haven't driven it much since the first of August.  We've been getting by with just my husband's car.  It's fine, but it's not my car, to be sure.  I love my car.  I miss my car.  My husband has been so busy taking care of Riley and taking up the slack at work since his mother is gone to North Dakota taking care of her mother who is ill and has had to go to a nursing home, that he hasn't had any spare time to fix it.  Hopefully now that I'm on the mend and can help a little with Riley--that is to say I can try entertaining him--and it's a little cooler out, he will have time to fix it, again.  He had to replace the same seal earlier in the summer, and evidently we got a bad part.  Lucky us.

A few days ago, our renters gave notice that they would be moving out to a bigger home.  Their rent pays our house payment.  So, readers, please say a quick prayer that we are able to get someone else in there pretty quickly.  The rental is the bottom half of our home.  It is two bedroom, one bath with a large kitchen and utility room and a comfortable living area.  Rent is $450 and another $50 per month for propane.  Water, Trash and Electricity are included in the $450.  Excessive use of propane or electricity could result in an increase in the amount due over $450, but if one is reasonably conservative it will work out perfectly at $50.  It is a nice space, and the kitchen has a dishwasher, fridge, gas cook stove and microwave included.  Heating and cooling is electric/propane.  Cooking, water heater and dryer are gas, and the dryer is provided.  Deposit is $200.  The rental is Non-smoking and No pets.  Share this information with anyone who might be looking for a place to live.  We could use the income, and would love to have someone in there that was a good fit.

So far, renting has been mostly a positive experience.  And certainly it has been a blessing to have enough room to be able to do this and stay in our home, even with limited income.  We live upstairs, where we have two bedrooms, one bath, laundry facilities, a small kitchen and a comfortable living area.  It is decent sized, even if it is only half our house.  We were very lucky to find this place nine years ago.  Nine Years Ago!?!?!  My how the time slips past.  I am amazed.  Well, I believe with that notion swimming around in my head, I will sign off for today.  God Bless you all, and may your day be filled with all things peaceful and positive!