Count Down - 12 Days

Everything is fine.  Everything is done.  All plans are in place. Consent paperwork is signed.  I am pre-admitted to the hospital. I have all the supplies for my completely miserable-on purpose-day before surgery by imbibing nothing but clear liquids all day and then grape flavored magnesium citrate at 5pm, followed by more liquid until midnight.  I may just set up my laptop in the bathroom after 5. 

I will be well cared for, and heavily medicated in the hospital.  I have all arrangements in place for after being discharged from the hospital. I have bought a week's worth of easy food for my husband and son to live on while I'm in the hospital, and then a week more at my Mom's house.  I have everything wrapped up at work.  I have nothing to worry about. So, why am I so anxious? 

I'll tell you why.  Because I'm scared to death something will happen to change my surgery date.  I'm worried I might get some kind of ailment in the next week that will cause me to have to wait.  I even worry that between now and then, while I'm en route someplace, that I will be involved in a car accident.  I'm worried that there will be some problem and they will have to forego the abdominoplasty part.  Crazy stuff.  I'm just worryin; somethin' terrible.

I am also worried about the reason for this whole ordeal.  The tumor, of course.  There is a tiny tiny chance that it is malignant. It is so tiny, in fact, that I try just to put the whole thing out of my mind.  I am 99% successful in that endeavor.

I am quite likely worrying about all those things because I have run out of things to do to prepare.  Getting ready is a lot easier than being ready and just waiting.  So, every day, I go over, either in my  mind, or on paper, all the things I have to do.  There ARE a few things left.  I need to buy some Gas-X.  I have to take two the morning of surgery. 

I need to buy Milk, Cereal, PopTarts.  You know, for the boys.  I need to make arrangements for Riley while Michael is with me in the hospital.  I need to pack for mom's house.  I need to get grandma's walker over to mom's so I can get around without hurting myself. I need to come up with some kind of armor for when I get home with my rambunctious son and two large dogs.  If anyone has any ideas on that subject, please share.

Everything will be fine.  Everything will be fine.  Everything will be fine!