As I sit here, sipping my midnight snack of beef broth, watching my 'old standby' television series, Charmed, and write perhaps my last pre-op post, I am so overwhelmed with thoughts that even if I could recount them all to you, you wouldn't gain an inch by hearing them. Some of the thoughts are random. Some irrational. Some sad. Some deeply happy. Some afraid. Still others, rediculous.
The common denominator is that once I go to sleep Monday, my future is fully in the hands of others. I think the worst thing, is that I have to give up the control I pretend to have. My whole idea of what is stable and real is shaking underneath my feet. Why do I let my imagination run so wild?
I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that even when I'm not in control, God is. When things fall apart, They can come back together. He can put them back. He can set things right.
God, give me peace. Stabilize my thoughts. Clear my mind. Let me rest. You will get the credit you deserve, I can assure you. i know I can't do any of that on my own right now.
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