Countdown: Two Weeks to Go

It seems more real every day.  I am going to be a different person two weeks from today.  I am excited, hopeful, and flat out scared to death at the prospect. Tomorrow I go to the hospital for some pre-surgery testing. 

My stomach does decent sized flips every time I think about what awaits me.  If anyone needed proof that I am obsessive, this experience would serve. My mind races all the time about details.  Like, a part of me will be gone.  The part that held Riley while I carried him.  The part that, when taken, will take away any chance of having another child.  The hope was slim, because of my health, and our fear of a repeat performance of my first pregnancy, but there was always a chance, that we might be given a second child.  Two weeks from today, that chance will be erased.  It's just as well, of course, since my son is a one-man army, like the tick-tock army of oz...and he is a joy  and a mess all rolled into one.  Still, a woman wonders what might have been.

I wonder also if this discovery wasn't in God's perfect timing.  I have had symptoms for years, increasing in severity over time.  I just knew I had a stomach ulcer.  Then, no.  Not an ulcer, a tumor.  A tumor.  Wow.  Other people get stuff like that.  I was just in shock.  The initial reaction was panic.  Then sadness.  My husband, who knows me and my obsessive leanings, commanded me thusly:  "Okay.  We aren't going to sit around depressed all the time.  We are going to figure out what to do to fix it, and we are GOING to fix it, and then we are going to get on with living.  No freaking out allowed. Got it?" he says.  "Got it." I say.  And then, I freak out anyway.

But, he just keeps saying the same thing over and over.  Figure it out, fix it, and get on with living.  Interspersed with that, are many "sorry sweetie" s and "I love you" s.  Also, some fantastic back 'fixing' that helps with the awful back pain that goes along with this whole mess!  It is good to be loved.

I feel so very loved.  The help and support I have felt through this experience has overwhelmed me.  I know I am loved very much, and I can assure you that if you are taking the time to read this, the feeling is mutual.