It has been a very interesting week. I was out of surgery by evening Monday, one week ago. I do not like epidurals. I hardly even used my pain button. By Tuesday, I was begging to have it removed. One of my legs felt completely paralyzed. Upside, I couldn't feel the pain in my abdomen. Downside, the pain in my back and arms and shoulder and neck were miserable, because I was trying to use my upper body to move to a more comfortable position; one which I was never able to find. They finally discovered that they weren't going to talk me out of getting the epidural out. Once it was removed and the medicine wore off, I was in significantly more pain than before. But at least I could move. They were able to manage my pain fairly effectively with Hydrocodone (by mouth) and Tordol (by IV). They talked about sending me home on Wednesday. I told the doctors I was nowhere near ready to go. Wednesday morning I saw the nurse practitioner, who agreed with my assessment of my condition. One more day. I had a great nurse for the day shift that day. Not so great thru the night. I was really glad when 7 a.m. Thursday morning rolled around. By Thursday noon, I was headed to Mom's house, which is where I still am until this Thursday. I get better and better every day. I have lost over 10 pounds of water weight in 4 days, and still going down. The swelling is better each day, as is the level of my pain. One thing though, my back is killing me, and my rear-end keeps falling asleep. I guess it doesn't like to be constantly sat upon.
I try to get up and walk, stretch and keep my muscles moving. I cannot stand up straight. I have figured out how to sleep on my side, very carefully, and that has been a great relief to my back. I have been trying to write this post since last Thursday. Please take note: it is very difficult to concentrate and organize your thoughts when pain medicine courses through your veins. My eyelids are terribly heavy....
...In case you were wondering, a thirty minute nap just occurred between this sentence and the last. I feel a bit refreshed. Perhaps I will be able to bring this post to a close with some sense as to what thought I was trying to convey. Perhaps.
It is a funny thing, recovering from surgery. You have a lot of time to think. In many cases, that is good. In others, it poses a challenge: Coping with what you have contemplated during that time you had to think. I think about the healing process itself. I pray that I don't have any complications in my 18" incision, my two drains, or my new belly button. I pray that there is no problem with my internal incision. I try to wrap my head around the fact that a large portion of my body has been removed. Not my skin or my bellly. My uterus. Gone. Forever. The possibility of having more children, gone with it. What I am as a woman has been drastically altered. It really shouldn't matter. But it does. Even if you are just meant to mourn the loss a little while and move on, it matters. It is necessary, I think, to process those thoughts and not dismiss them, or hold them in. Shed a tear for your body and its change. Then, embrace the change and be the best woman you can possibly be.
No comments:
Post a Comment