The Long Road
Enjoy discovering the balance between humor and humility that I try to find in even the toughest parts of life. :) I'm now facing another abdominal surgery to remove a mass from my lower left pelvic area. I'll post updates, thoughts, and information on my music/coloring books, which are available for sale to help offset medical costs and keep our heads above the water. Prayers are, of course, the most important thing I need!
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Tuesday, August 22, 2017
This is my life's philosophy.
So, here's the current situation: Mr E, we'll call him, is preaching to his followers about end times and nuclear winter and prepping for armageddon. He is marketing doomsday kits. He is blaming our former president for the eclipse. He is praising the new president as the only solution, and he's saying that all of this is prophecy.
So, not only is this stuff not biblical; it's not remotely scientifically possible. God doesn't just cause an eclipse. Well I mean, he can....but he set things in motion to perpetuate eclipses. Mathematics and physics can calculate all past and future astronomical events for millennia. And before you throw in the argument on prophecy, I don't know it all, but let's just say I got a guy. So, I am not talking about God's timing here. Besides. My 'Guy' and also my Bible, have told me that since the Cross (See Bible: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John), God's judgment was laid on His only Son for the salvation of the world. So unless, like I said, there's a prophecy which pertains to a natural, quantifiable (again: for millennia, past and future) phenomenon which would really and truly be about one president or another, It's a pretty safe bet that this was not a predestined event intended to usher anything in or out.
I agree with those who think this guy is nuts. One person commented that they love guys like this, because when people see how crazy they seem to be, they just write off that ignorant poppycock religion and all its followers. Except there's a problem: He uses fear and condemnation on his platform because he is ignorant of whatever does not serve his ends. Makes good folks look bad.
I am a Christian believer, but I am neither hateful nor ignorant. So, as a Christian, I feel it is my duty to pray for this man and the many like him who are so terribly and utterly wrong, and who may never have read the Bible to understand it, but only to further their own agenda based on incomplete knowledge that was no doubt passed on to them in the same fashion. It is to pray to my God in heaven that I never EVER presume to know everything there is to know about everything in this world. I pray for peace and comfort for the sick and afflicted among us. I help in little ways if I can. And to be honest, sometimes I suck at it. But I'm only human.
We humans need to look around us and see all the other humans. We are both strong and frail. We are profound thinkers and blithering idiots. We are brilliant, and yet fools all, at one point or another. God is the judge. He is in control. Whatever he is, in whatever capacity. What we think DOESN'T MATTER in the end. If that is true, and I'm right, I will go to Heaven. If I'm not, I have lived a very honorable life following my God. I am intensely angry about this man and men like him who make believers look like fools because he's missed the entire point of what it means to be a follower of Christ. I would ask you to consider this before you stamp us all damaged goods and toss us aside. Those who really, REALLY get it; what it means to be a Christian? We're on your side. Whoever you are.
Thursday, September 29, 2016
A look back:
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Captain's Log...Sentimental
So I re - learned a valuable lesson today:
EVEN IF YOU ARE SURE OF WHAT YOU THINK SOMETHING IS, CHECK IT AGAIN.
This actually has nothing whatever to do with the main idea of this blog. However, it may turn out to be good advice on that subject too. I hope.
So you may have noticed a post entitled "captain's log...Sentimental. It was an accident, but I deleted it. So, if ever you are looking at a list, and the title of a draft and the title of a post are similar, and you think you are 100% sure you are choosing the correct one to delete, you probably aren't.
So to make a long story very short, I simply said that I'm a little scared about tomorrow, and I really just want to feel well. I talked in that post about how incredibly difficult a time I have had with my health as an adult. So, maybe this scare/whatever will be the thing that gets me on the right track. Maybe getting all of these parts out that don't work, will make the rest of the parts work better.
It also said that I really miss rearranging furniture all by myself, but I very seriously doubt that sentiment is shared by anyone who has to live with me :-)
Love, Kimberly.
It also had this PS: if you feel something is not right with your health or with your body, go to the doctor. DON'T WAIT.
Friday, September 23, 2016
Volume 2 ... Chapter Five
This most recent test revealed more of the true nature of the existing mass, and introduced a new one on the other side. The one on the left is of multiple densities. (concern for cancer) It is very low and out to the left of the rest of the mass/tissue. (not necessarily tied directly to the ovary. (concern for cancer). It is wrapped around my iliac artery(concern for cancer due to the tendency for cancer to search out an existing blood supply).
So the surgeon says the risk that this is cancer IS great enough to send me to a Gynecologic Oncologist. She could do the surgery and remove everything, but she cannot test and stage it if it turns out to be cancer. An oncologist can stage during surgery. If I had the surgery here, I would have to heal and await results and then go have more surgery later to address any remaining issues. Click this link to find out how ovarian cancer is staged,
I obviously pray that this is not cancer. But I am also a realistic person, and want to be as informed as possible about my condition, care, and outlook. If you are reading this, and you are facing the unknown, please seek knowledge, and plan for the worst while working hard to achieve the best. I have 4 days to go before I meet my surgeon. Meanwhile:
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Volume 2 ... Chapter Four
So I call. They take my information and say that the doctor on call will get back with me shortly. I am not prepared for what happened next. The phone rang.
Me: "Hello?"
Dr. On Call: "This is Doctor [OnCall]....
Me: "uh....I....uh....need to get some medication for nausea to go along with my pain medication since I am having trouble with...uh....nausea..."
Dr. On Call: "Just take half a pain pill. Call your doctor tomorrow."
Me: "Okay."
I hang up the phone. Michael walks into the bedroom in just enough time to see me lose all control.
You: "What the heck just happened?!"
Time for a story:
Once upon a pregnancy,
11 years ago,
Dr. OnCall was my Doctor.
And many of you know
That I was very, very sick
And in a panic crying.
Dr. OnCall wasn't worried
And both of us were dying.
The doctor who delivered us
(Yes, both of us were saved)
Said if one more day he'd put me off
Would have sent us to the grave.
I cannot put into words the emotional trauma that caused me. I have never been the same since. So, when I heard his voice, it instantly triggered a violent emotional response. I had a terrifying panic attack. Once it partially subsided, I called Michael's mother and she agreed to take me to a different E.R. the next morning. I was so afraid that Dr. OnCall would be the one to see me that I wouldn't dare go to Mountain Home.
So, I went to the E.R. in Batesville. They were attentive, compassionate, and by heck they were going to listen to me. They asked if I wanted something for pain control. I sternly said that I was not there for pain medicine. I was there for answers. After reassuring me that I was on the right path, they did x-rays and gave me some more information. They prescribed something for the nausea, and did give me an injection to try and calm the nerves that were so disturbed and raw.
Tune in next post for the results of the second pelvic and TV ultrasound.
Volume 2 ... Chapter Three
- Bloating/Abdominal heaviness
- Feeling full when eating/loss of apetite
- Constipation
- Pelvic/Hip pain
- Constant need to pee, but very little pee
- Nausea
- Low back pain
- Unintentional weight gain (20 pounds in 2 weeks)
- Unintentional weight loss (lost 10 pounds in the last three days)
- Abdominal bloating or swelling
- Quickly feeling full when eating
- Weight loss
- Discomfort in the pelvis area
- Changes in bowel habits, such as constipation
- A frequent need to urinate
Volume 2 ... Chapter Two
Note: My wonderful mother is upstairs in surgery, having been diagnosed on Tuesday of the same week with breast cancer. She is scared. My dad is scared for her. Now he and the rest of the family are worrying about me, too, which really only makes me mad. [Fast forward a little bit: her cancer had not spread to the lymph nodes, and she will not have to have chemo. She will start radiation in about three weeks or so, and is back to work, and busy taking care of other people again.]
So, back to the E.R. They do another CT scan to see if there has been any change. There hasn't. Except my pain level is increasing. They give me something stronger for pain and send me home to wait for my appointment. I am feeling sick to my stomach by the time I get home. So I can only take half a pain pill. The whole pain pill isn't helping much with the pain. In fact, between the pelvic pain and the back pain, I am walking with a cane just to stay steady on my feet.
I finally make it to the day of the appointment with the Physician's assistant, and she decides I really need to see the Surgeon, who agrees to see me right away. This does not begin well.