A look back:

This is what I was going to say yesterday, before my appointment.  

    (PARAGRAPH ONE) I am so VERY afraid. I don't even know what, exactly, I am afraid of.  It could be that I am terrified that I have cancer.  It could be that I am in excruciating pain unless I have taken a strong pain pill and in barely bearable pain then. It could be that I cannot breathe like I should be able to.  It could be that I cannot go 10 steps without gasping for breath. I can barely eat. I can't sleep most nights, and then, not without medicine to help.  I imagine that how I feel is most closely relate-able to Miss Violet Beauregard, (lucky winner of a golden ticket from Mister Willy Wonka!) After she took the three-course chewing gum despite  urging that she not do so, from the man himself, and turned into a blueberry.  It could be that I am going through all of this and people around me are having to lay aside their own lives to help me.  By the way:  To those of you who have already done this, From the bottom of my heart, thank you.      fin.

This is what happened in my appointment.

     The Oncologist has not been sent ANY of my images. I am devastated, and no closer to answers.  I am in pain, angry, and stressed past my maximum.

This is what happened after my appointment.

     I hustle.  With the help of some awesome friends, we got the discs from Calico Rock to my doctor in Fayetteville by the next morning.  Now we had to get the discs from Mountain Home.  They wouldn't send them.  They wouldn't let my husband pick them up.  I had done all I could do.  I was spent.  I updated everyone I had to update and laid down and instantly fell asleep.  I missed dinner.  I hate when that happens.

This is what happened today.

     My best friend drove me to Mountain home to retrieve my images from the Mountain Home hospital.  We made it as far as Flippin before I got a call from my nurse at Fayetteville.  They had received the images, radiology had read them, the Surgeon had seen them, and they know for certain that I need surgery.  They didn't even need the images from mountain home any longer.  I got them anyway.  We went on home to my house in Calico.  I changed clothes, loved on my puppy, and got to kiss my kiddo, both of whom are staying with Meba (Mee Baw) and papa, Michael's mom and dad.

This is what I know to come next, so far.

     We are back in Fayetteville, to bring Emily back home.  Michael will take me home tomorrow so that I can scramble to the best of my ability to get my ducks in a row.  Michael will drive me back on to Fayetteville on Wednesday, the 5th for my pre-op appointment.  The following Tuesday, October 11th, I will undergo an open abdominal laparotomy (from what I know so far) so that they can figure out what is in there and get it out, and let me know what happens next.

See Paragraph One.